


Vice Grip

by shinealightonme



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Breathplay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Ronan's hands-on approach to therapy is recommended by 0 out of 5 doctors, Sex as Coping Mechanism, Under-negotiated Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 19:43:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18676195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinealightonme/pseuds/shinealightonme
Summary: Adam has trouble sleeping. Ronan has an unconventional solution.





	Vice Grip

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Dick or Treat on Dreamwidth! The challenge was to write a smut fic using a title of a Pokemon move, and I could not resist. I am weak.
> 
> Warnings in the tags. The sex in this fic is consensual but not exactly a good idea, so use your best judgment.

It's some fucked up practical joke of the universe, that Adam and Ronan are both shitty sleepers but on different schedules.

Adam can fall asleep in seconds while Ronan tosses and turns for hours, finally falls asleep just in time for Adam to jerk awake from a bad dream so hard it wakes Ronan up, too.

It isn't every night, or most nights, but it's often enough that Ronan worries, and then Adam mumbles apologies, and then Ronan worries more. Adam doesn't deserve to wake up in the middle of the night with his heart racing and lead in his stomach. Adam doesn't deserve to feel bad for waking Ronan up. Adam deserves wonderful beautiful breathtaking things, things that are too complicated for Ronan to give him. But in the middle of the night everything is simple, even if its bad, and when Adam needs someone to hold him to the present, to rub a hand along his back until his heartbeat slows, to whisper to him and drown out those hazy nighttime noises that sound so much like terror -- Ronan can give him that.

So it's a rude awakening on top of a rude awakening when Ronan rolls over and throws an arm around Adam just to have Adam bolt upright and jump out of bed.

"Hhn?" He's not the most eloquent guy in the world when he's wide awake, okay? Cut him some slack.

"Jesus, Lynch, warn me next time."

"Warn you that I'm in my own bed?"

"You can't just jump on me in the middle of the night."

"Fine, I won't touch you." That is not a promise he can keep. His mattress is really too small for both of them. He's halfheartedly thought about making something bigger, but it's never been a problem before. Keeping their hands off each other has never been the goal. "Happy?"

Adam doesn't answer, and then he says, "I need some air," and he leaves before Ronan can offer to tag along or ask what the _fuck_ is wrong with him.

Ronan lies down again. It takes him a long time to fall asleep. Adam doesn't come back.

When he gets up in the morning Adam is lying on the couch with a single thin blanket pulled over him. The deliberate callous rejection smacks Ronan too hard for him to stop and ask _why_ Adam would rather sleep on the couch then with him. He stomps around making as much noise as possible, and he doesn't apologize to Adam's pale face or the circles under his eyes.

-

Adam spends a couple of nights at St. Agnes, which isn't unusual when he has a lot of school work or work work, but now everything has an extra layer of weirdness on it.

The next time that Adam wakes up in the middle of the night, Ronan doesn't reach for him, and it hurts not to.

"Adam?"

"I'm fine."

He's not fine.

"I'm going to touch you," Ronan warns him.

He waits a long time for Adam to say, "yeah, okay," in a defeated kind of voice.

Ronan curls up behind his back and puts an arm around him.

"Can you -- " Adam starts.

"Yeah," Ronan answers, reflexive, before he realizes he has no idea what Adam was asking. "What?"

Adam's voice is strained when he says "tighter?"

Ronan doesn't know what that means, but he squeezes Adam, holding him closer. Adam still just feels tense and miserable.

"Like that?"

Adam doesn't say anything. Ronan figures that's a _no_. He squeezes tighter and then tighter, until he thinks that Adam has to be uncomfortable.

Adam breathes out, shaky. "Yeah, thanks."

Ronan is wide awake and there's no way he'll fall asleep like this, body taut with effort, but he just nuzzles at the side of Adam's neck, the back of his ear, while he waits for him nod off.

-

Adam wakes him up again a couple nights later. They're turned in facing each other, and he's already so close. After the other night, Ronan figures they must be okay. He scoots closer to Adam.

Adam yelps, with actual fear.

"It's just me," Ronan says.

"I know it's you." Adam scrambles up. His hands move from curled up near Ronan's chest to tucked up under his arms. "I told you not to do that."

Ronan shoves himself up off the bed, too. "You didn't tell me shit."

"I told you not to do -- that."

"Right, that's so fucking clear, how could I screw up. Can you just tell me what's going on with you?"

Adam blurts out, "I keep dreaming about the time I tried to kill you."

"That wasn't you," Ronan says.

"But it _was_. I felt it, I saw myself doing it and I couldn't stop it. And then I wake up and you're _right there_ and you trust me, like it couldn't happen again."

"It can't. Unless you've been making more deals with demons and you haven't told me about it."

"That isn't the point, Ronan."

"So what is?"

"The _point_ is that if I ever hurt you, _you wouldn't stop me_. And I can't -- I can't handle knowing that."

Adam's gaze falls down to the bed, like he doesn't have the strength to keep looking at Ronan. Or like he doesn't think he's allowed to.

"Okay," Ronan says. "Choke me."

Adam's head snaps back up, so Ronan figures he must be doing something right.

"What?"

"Try to strangle me, and I'll stop you."

Adam doesn't answer right away. Maybe Ronan _could_ have just promised _no, of course I'll stop you, I won't let you become that person_ , except just saying that means jack shit in the face of the time that he did let it happen

Eventually, Adam asks, "You'll stop me?"

"Yeah."

Adam bites his lip and then nods. One hand goes for Ronan's throat. He's moving way too slow; Ronan intercepts his hand, interlaces their fingers while he darts in close enough to kiss him.

Adam allows the kiss, for a second.

"Ronan, I'm serious."

"So am I. You weren't even _trying_."

Ronan drops his hand, and Adam tries again, faster this time. He gets his hands around Ronan's neck while Ronan's still expecting him to be getting ready.

Ronan has a moment of deja vu, but it passes. This isn't like the time the demon tried to kill him. The most upsetting thing then had been watching Adam fight himself, and if Adam doesn't look too fucking happy right now, at least he's not at war with his own body. He's functioning with one clear goal: choking Ronan.

He shifts upward, shoulders and chest higher than Ronan's so that he can bear down with his whole weight. He forces Ronan down onto the bed, shoves his knees down on either side of Ronan, boxing him in and pinning his legs down. It's an effective hold. If this were a fight, if this weren't Adam, Ronan's best chance would be to cause a lot of pain, fast, and shove him off while he was distracted.

But this isn't a fight, and it is Adam, and Ronan is the one that's distracted.

His hands came up as soon as his back hit the mattress, but he doesn't try to shove Adam off. He doesn't need to, yet. And he's enjoying the way his palms soak up the feeling of Adam's skin.

And. Well.

The lack of oxygen is starting to get to him. His vision is fading, and it zooms in on Adam until he's the only thing that Ronan can see, like he's the only thing that exists. Which is fine, Adam's the only thing Ronan really cares about seeing, so what's the problem?

There's no blood going to his head, because it's all rushing south, and his dick doesn't give a shit about how this is the wrong fucking moment. The rest of him doesn't really care, either. Adam is touching him, Adam is on top of him, what else does he need? Air? Fuck air.

Adam's hands fall away from his throat.

Ronan gasps in, involuntary. He isn't trying to give Adam any reason to freak the fuck out, but he can't help it. He breathes in, so hard and fast he starts coughing instead, good job, body, _that's_ helpful. It takes a minute to get his goddamn respiratory system under control so he can finally focus back on Adam, who is no longer the only thing in the world.

Adam is horrified.

"You were supposed to _stop me_."

"I was going to."

"Was that going to be before or after you _suffocated_?"

"I was fine." There is no way in hell that Ronan is going to explain it any better than that.

Adam shifts forward, like he's about to get off of Ronan and probably, knowing Adam, out of bed and maybe out of the house entirely -- except when he moves he rubs up against Ronan's erection.

At least that knocks the horror off of his face. Ronan doesn't really like the bewilderment that takes its place.

"Look," he says, before Adam gets a chance to react, "either choke me or admit that you can't and stop worrying about it."

"You -- "

Ronan is so terrified of what that sentence is going to be.

" -- you promise you'll stop me?" and Adam's voice is fragile and raw, trapped somewhere in his throat.

"Yeah."

He breathes hard for a minute, like he's the one who's got bruises forming around his neck, and then he nods, and there's no other warning before his hands are at Ronan's throat again.

Ronan grabs his wrists, nails digging in, ten sharp reminders that he made a promise. He doesn't pull too hard, but he puts up a bit of a fight, enough that it _is_ a fight. Enough that Adam's grip will slip _here_ or loosens _there_ , and Ronan can breathe, just a little, just enough to keep this going.

Adam clenches his knees tighter around Ronan, digging into his thighs, and _fuck_ why is that so hot. Ronan loses it and yanks Adam's right hand clear off him. Dammit, he's not used to _halfway_ fighting someone. He's kind of worried he sprained Adam's pinkie finger.

Adam inhales in a sharp hiss and rocks forward to put more force behind his left hand.

Ronan grinds up against him. His stupid body doesn't know what's going on, it just knows Adam is _there_ and it wants him. 

Adam makes a noise, not pleasure or pain or anything Ronan can identify, and then his hand goes slack.

It's only for a second, over before Ronan's mixed up brain can make his body use that against him, pull his hand away entirely or throw him off or just keep rubbing up against him. The only thing Ronan is able to do is breathe in, one deep lungful of air.

And then Adam pulls it together and gets both hands back around his neck.

Ronan pries at his fingers and his wrists -- no effect. His vision starts to fade out and the blood rushes in his ears. The whole world drops away again, except for Adam.

Ronan realizes he's dizzy. Realizes it's been a while since that one free breath. Realizes that Adam, above him and everywhere, looks upset.

Right, shit, he has a job here. He made a promise.

Ronan lets one hand fall down to the mattress while he steels himself, and then he yanks Adam's wrist at the same time that he slams a hand into his shoulder and twists his hips to knock Adam off balance.

Adam wobbles for one tiny fraction of a second, but that's all Ronan needs. Adam's strength comes from lifting heavy things and operating machinery and living in a fucking endurance race, not from eighteen years of fighting for fun or release or a desperate need to beat someone, _anyone_. All Ronan has to do is find an opening, and then he throws Adam off and he can _breathe_ again, and then it's really over. He pins Adam down, pins his arms useless to the bed. Adam struggles a bit at first and then collapses, giving up.

Ronan gulps down some more air before he says anything. He hadn't exactly _minded_ not getting to breathe, but now that he can he really appreciates the air.

"You okay?" he asks. Adam's face is half-pressed into the pillows, and it's dim, too hard to pin down on his emotional state even if he _weren't_ a secretive repressed bastard.

He says "I'm fine," which means fuck-all, from Adam.

"You sure?" Ronan rubs a thumb along his wrist, along the deep red gouges left by Ronan's nails.

"I'm sure. You're the one who was -- "

"I'm fine."

Adam's still for a moment, and then he says, in an odd sort of voice, "yeah, I guess you are."

It is impossible to ignore the fact that Ronan's erection is poking into Adam's back, but dammit, Ronan was willing to _pretend_ to ignore it.

"Was that really -- did you really like -- "

"No," Ronan says, and then immediately, "I mean, fuck, yeah, but -- I don't know."

"Can you show me?"

Ronan's heart stutters like a car shifting into the wrong gear. "Do you want that?"

"Yeah," Adam says, quiet. "I think it would feel -- safe."

That's the most lunatic thing Ronan has ever heard, and he's heard some real bullshit. He thinks really really hard about how insane that is, because if he thinks about it any more than that it'll break his heart.

He lets Adam out of the hold. Adam isn't fighting him anymore; he rolls onto his back willingly when Ronan nudges at his hip, and then he's just -- lying there, gazing up at Ronan. He doesn't look like someone who's about to get strangled. He looks composed, and open, and _vulnerable_ , and for a second Ronan can't do it.

But Adam is open and vulnerable because he trusts Ronan. Because he counts on Ronan. And if he needs Ronan to make him feel safe, Ronan can do that.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know," Adam replies, easily.

He swings a leg over Adam, straddling him, and leans over to softly press their lips together. "I'm not going to let you hurt me, either."

Adam breathes in, but it's shaky.

Ronan puts a hand around his throat, but doesn't apply any pressure. Not yet. "Deeper than that."

Adam breathes again, deep and steady.

Ronan slowly squeezes his hand around the sides of Adam's neck, not crushing the windpipe. At first Adam just frowns, slightly, like he's trying to make out something on the very edges of his hearing. It's only after several seconds, when Ronan's grip has gotten tight, that it seems to hit him: _I can't breathe_.

Adam gasps. One of his hands comes up to grope at Ronan. It isn't clear if he's trying to shake him off or choke him again or what.

Ronan catches his hand with his free hand and kisses it. "I got you."

Adam shivers and his arm goes slack. Ronan kisses it again, sucks on two of his fingertips. A ghost of a smile crosses Adam's face. He always thinks it's kind of funny when Ronan does that, but his hands are amazing and deserve to be worshiped and Adam deserves to know that Ronan is not, in the least, afraid of them.

"I love your hands," Ronan says, "I love everything they do," and Adam gasps again, quieter, less productive. Ronan eases up his grip just a second for Adam to breathe in, and it hits him hard that he _gave_ Adam that air. He is giving him life.

It's sort of fucked up how much he likes that thought.

But that's okay, because whatever the fuck is wrong with Ronan, it's wrong with Adam, too. He's getting hard, his cock pushing up against Ronan's, and Ronan shifts so they line up. Adam moans without making a sound.

Ronan lets go of Adam's hand so that he can touch his body in every sensitive place, his sides and his ears and his stomach and the crease of his elbow, toys with him in ways that make him try desperately to breathe, in ways that make him harder.

Ronan gives him another second of air. It makes him feel giddy and nervous, like he's got butterflies in his stomach, something stupid and childish. There's no reason to feel that way, except it's Adam. He always feels that way.

"Fuck, I love you," he murmurs, "you know I love you?"

He thinks for a second that Adam mouths _no_ , but it's his name -- _Ronan, Ronan_.

He grinds up against Adam. Adam moves, small short thrusts; they aren't syncing up.

"Are you okay?"

Adam jerks his head up, maybe a nod, maybe an escape attempt. Ronan loosens his hold until his hand is just resting over Adam's throat. "Tell me you're okay."

Adam shudders. "I'm okay," and his voice is rough in a way that Ronan has never heard. "Please. I want -- "

Ronan tightens his hold again, and Adam eyes shut. "It's okay, you're safe, I'm safe, I've got you," and Adam groans and thrusts up, more forceful.

Ronan keeps his grip on Adam's throat and reaches down with his other hand. He swears when he touches fabric instead of skin. How the fuck are they still wearing their fucking underwear? He shifts until he can pull his down around his thighs and then tugs Adam's down, too, which pulls a strangled little groan out of him, and then he settles back down on top of Adam.

This is what he needs, his skin and Adam's skin and nothing keeping them apart. He wraps a hand around both their cocks. It's a loose grip from a bad angle, but he doesn't need to be _precise_ here. There's a hundred different insane emotions running through him, he's not going to last very long.

Adam's hands come up to Ronan's sides and scratch, not deep but _slow_.

"Fuck," Ronan swears, pumping his hand faster, " _fuck_ that's good, you're good, you're so fucking amazing, I've got you."

He's right on the edge when he looks down and sees Adam's eyes open. They've gone sort of red and glossy.

"I'm going to let you go, okay? You're good, you'll be fine."

Adam nods, a tiny motion but clear this time.

Ronan lets go of his throat. His hand slides down to Adam's shoulder and grips it, hard.

Adam breathes deep, "oh," breathes again, " _oh_ ," and then he's coming, his cock pulsing next to Ronan's, Ronan's hand still working over both of them.

Adam's entire body convulses under him. Ronan loses it. He collapses onto Adam, kissing him and being kissed back. He thrusts against his hipbone once, twice, and then Adam gasps against his mouth and he comes with a groan.

It's a while before he feels like he can get up, and longer than that before he _wants_ to. He's paranoid all of a sudden that if he gets up this will have all turned out to be some horrible disaster.

But if it _is_ a disaster, that's on him, so he needs to face it.

He shifts his weight off of Adam and onto his hands, about to push away from him.

Adam grumbles and wraps an arm over Ronan's back. "Don't go anywhere."

Ronan sighs and relaxes back down onto Adam. "We're covered in jizz," he says, arguing for the sake of arguing.

"Half of it's yours," Adam points out.

"I'm not crushing you?"

"Nhm, it's nice. It feels..."

"Safe?"

There's another one of those _Adam Parrish doubting himself_ silences. Ronan blows into his ear.

"That's a really weird thing to think, isn't it."

"Probably. Who cares?"

"I care about whether you care."

"Because I'm so proper and I follow the rules all the time, you better not do anything weird around me."

Adam says, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Okay," Ronan says, "I don't want to hurt you and if you hurting me hurts you then I won't do it, stop stop thinking so hard before you hurt yourself."

There another silence, but this is more of a _who the fuck am I even dating_ silence; Ronan is perversely in love with those. "I don't think that makes sense."

"Whatever, you're oxygen deprived, what do you know?"

Adam laughs, a deep surprised laugh that runs through Ronan.

-

The next time Adam wakes up with a start, Ronan wraps an arm over him, tight enough Adam can't move, and says "I've got you," and he feels it when Adam's breath catches. "I've got you."

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this fic, you can [reblog it on tumblr](https://toast-the-unknowing.tumblr.com/post/184586988660/vice-grip-shinealightonme-raven-cycle-maggie).


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